References: Coping with relationships & family

The key studies and reviews behind these pages – organised by topic, so you can see exactly what each claim on the site is based on.

Divorce & separation

  • Boss, P. (1999). Ambiguous Loss: Learning to Live with Unresolved Grief. Harvard University Press. The foundational work on grief that doesn’t fit a clean before-and-after loss – the main source behind this page’s framing that relief and grief for the same ending can arrive together, rather than cancelling each other out.
  • Doka, K.J. (1989). Disenfranchised Grief: Recognizing Hidden Sorrows. Lexington Books. Names divorce specifically as a loss that’s routinely under-recognised because it’s assumed to be chosen – the source behind this page’s point that the grief gets waved away.
  • Vaughan, D. (1986). Uncoupling: Turning Points in Intimate Relationships. Oxford University Press. A classic sociological study of how couples come apart and rebuild a separate sense of self – the source behind this page’s point that identity takes the hit too, since so much of adult identity is built jointly.
  • Amato, P.R. (2000). “The Consequences of Divorce for Adults and Children.” Journal of Marriage and Family, 62(4), 1269-1287. A wide-ranging review of divorce’s practical and emotional aftermath – the source behind this page’s point that the legal and logistical unwinding tends to drag on well past the emotional decision.

Alone inside a relationship

  • Weiss, R.S. (1973). Loneliness: The Experience of Emotional and Social Isolation. MIT Press. The foundational text distinguishing emotional isolation from social isolation – the source behind this page’s central point that being physically alone and feeling alone are not the same thing.
  • Perlman, D. & Peplau, L.A. (1981). “Toward a Social Psychology of Loneliness.” In S. Duck & R. Gilmour (Eds.), Personal Relationships 3: Personal Relationships in Disorder (pp. 31–56). Academic Press. Defines loneliness as the gap between desired and achieved social relations – the source behind this page’s framing of loneliness as a discrepancy, not a headcount.
  • Christensen, A. & Heavey, C.L. (1990). “Gender and Social Structure in the Demand/Withdraw Pattern of Marital Conflict.” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 59(1), 73–81. Documents the pattern where one partner pursues connection and the other withdraws from it – the source behind this page’s point that pursuing harder can push a partner further away.
  • Hazan, C. & Shaver, P. (1987). “Romantic Love Conceptualized as an Attachment Process.” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 52(3), 511–524. The foundational paper applying attachment theory to adult romantic relationships – the source behind this page’s framing of emotional disconnection as an attachment problem with a real way through it.

Loneliness

  • Holt-Lunstad, J., Smith, T.B., Baker, M., Harris, T. & Stephenson, D. (2015). “Loneliness and Social Isolation as Risk Factors for Mortality: A Meta-Analytic Review.” Perspectives on Psychological Science, 10(2), 227–237. Found chronic loneliness and social isolation raise mortality risk by a margin comparable to well-established factors like smoking – the source behind this page’s point that loneliness carries a measurable physical health cost.
  • de Jong Gierveld, J., Broese van Groenou, M., Hoogendoorn, A.W. & Smit, J.H. (2009). “Quality of Marriages in Later Life and Emotional and Social Loneliness.” The Journals of Gerontology: Series B, 64(4), 497–506. Shows loneliness can persist within a marriage and tracks with relationship quality rather than partner status alone – the source behind this page’s point that being partnered doesn’t switch loneliness off.
  • Roberts, J.A., Young, P.A. & David, M.E. (2026). “The Epidemic of Loneliness: A Nine-Year Longitudinal Study of the Impact of Passive and Active Social Media Use on Loneliness.” Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 52(5), 1111–1125. A nine-year longitudinal study of Dutch adults found both passive and active social media use tracked with rising loneliness over time – the source behind this page’s point that social media tends to widen the gap rather than close it.
  • Victor, C. & Yang, K. (2012). “The Prevalence of Loneliness Among Adults: A Case Study of the United Kingdom.” The Journal of Psychology, 146(1-2), 85–104. UK prevalence data across age groups – the source behind this page’s point that loneliness in later life tends to be a quiet accumulation rather than one dramatic event.