You can want two things at once: to rest and to finish the work, to speak up and to avoid an argument. Working with your parts means noticing these different feelings and impulses, and exploring them with curiosity.
This page draws on Internal Family Systems, or IFS, a therapy developed by Richard Schwartz. It uses the language of “parts” to explore patterns such as self-criticism, worry or wanting to withdraw.
For example, instead of saying “I’m lazy”, you might notice that part of you wants a break while another worries about falling behind. That gives you something more specific to consider: your need for rest and your concern about the work.
In IFS, difficult reactions are often understood as attempts to protect you. That is the model’s way of approaching them, rather than a fact you have to accept. You can explore a feeling without naming it as a part.
The exercise below is a brief introduction to noticing an everyday conflict. It does not involve searching for hidden memories or trying to resolve trauma. For work with persistent distress or traumatic experiences, seek a qualified mental health professional with relevant training.
How to try it
Choose a manageable feeling, such as frustration about a small task, rather than your most upsetting experience. If paying attention to it increases distress or makes you feel disconnected, stop and notice your surroundings. Grounding techniques offer some ways to do this.
- Choose a small, current difficulty. Think of an everyday conflict, such as wanting to rest while worrying about unfinished work. Notice the feelings or thoughts it brings up. You can include bodily sensations if that feels comfortable.
- Try describing it as a part. You might say “part of me is worried about falling behind”. If that wording feels awkward, use “I’m noticing worry” instead. Choose language that helps you describe the experience.
- Explore the concern. Ask “What am I worried might happen?” or “What matters to me here?” Let an answer come without forcing one. You do not need to imagine a character or hear a reply.
- Acknowledge it without agreeing with everything. You might say “Finishing this matters to me, and I’m tired.” Understanding a concern does not mean accepting a harsh judgement or acting on an impulse.
- Finish with a practical choice. Look around and return your attention to what you are doing. Consider a small next step: take a break, clarify what is needed or ask for help. If the exercise increases distress, stop rather than keep exploring.
Where the approach began
Richard Schwartz developed Internal Family Systems in the 1980s, drawing on his work in family therapy. He applied ideas about relationships within families to the different feelings and impulses people described within themselves.
IFS treats these “parts” as having concerns and roles of their own. A critical reaction, for example, might be explored as an attempt to prevent mistakes or avoid rejection.
This is a therapeutic framework for understanding experience. You do not need to regard parts as separate people inside you, or fit every feeling into the model.
What IFS means by “Self”
IFS uses “Self” to describe a way of relating to your experience with qualities such as curiosity and compassion. Within the model, therapy aims to help you approach difficult feelings from that position.
In an everyday exercise, this might mean noticing “I’m worried about being criticised” before deciding how to respond. You can take the worry seriously without treating its prediction as certain.
You may not feel calm or curious while doing this. If you feel irritated, confused or unchanged, you do not need to force a different response or keep searching for a calmer centre.
What the research can tell us
Research into IFS is developing, but the evidence remains limited. Small studies have reported improvements in some symptoms and in self-compassion. Larger studies and independent replication are needed to establish how well it works for particular conditions.
The IFS Institute itself acknowledges these gaps, including the need for more systematic research into possible harms. The approach’s popularity does not establish that it is suitable for everyone.
Research on a course of therapy also cannot tell us whether the short exercise on this page will help you. It is a way to explore an everyday reaction, rather than a treatment programme.
Keeping it practical
Understanding a reaction does not mean excusing everything it leads you to do. You can recognise anger or fear while setting limits on your behaviour and considering other people’s needs.
You also do not need to uncover a protective intention behind every feeling. Sometimes the useful conclusion is straightforward: you are tired, need clearer information or want support with a difficult situation.
If you seek IFS therapy, check the practitioner’s professional qualifications as well as their IFS training. Ask about their experience with your difficulties, the treatment options and how they would respond if the work increased distress.
For PTSD or recurring trauma-related symptoms, discuss treatments with an established evidence base, including EMDR, with a qualified clinician. You do not need to persist with parts work before exploring other help.
Recommended reading
Richard Schwartz’s No Bad Parts introduces IFS through explanations, personal stories and exercises. It sets out how the approach’s developer understands parts and the idea of “Self”.
Read it as an introduction to his therapeutic model. You can consider the ideas without adopting all its language or completing every exercise.
Jay Earley’s Self-Therapy offers a more detailed, step-by-step guide to using IFS, with examples and instructions for exploring different parts.
It goes further than the brief exercise on this page. Despite its title, it does not replace professional care. If an exercise brings up distressing memories or feels overwhelming, stop and consider working with a qualified therapist.